Hi my name is Olivia...

And I'm addicted to Facebook. 

Well, I used to be at least. 

For a while I have been contemplating deleting my Facebook account.  To be honest, the only reason I was on it in the first place was to see cute pictures of family and friends as well as a means of communication with people I may not keep telephone numbers for.  

But at some point along that happy road and after friending many people I only slightly know, I became a bit obsessed.  Checking it constantly.  Get in the car, check Facebook.   Go to class, check Facebook.  Sit down to dinner, check Facebook. 

It was even more than that..it was ALL THE TIME.

...Why? The people I am closest with call me or text me on a regular basis anyway.  So what was the point?  I would find myself constantly scrolling through pointless posts of babies, parties, vacations and, let's not leave out, ridiculous comments people post publicly.  

The sad thing is that half the time I would think to myself, "why would they post that?" or "what are they thinking? Why am I friends with them?"

Can you guess what I was doing the other half of the time?

Daniel heard a piece on talk radio once, about a few years ago, that partially blamed Facebook for user depression.  He immediately spoke to me about it.  The research showed that people compare themselves to their friends on Facebook, who seemingly have perfect lives, and become upset that they don't have the things their friends do. Daniel was concerned.  It made sense to him.

As you know from reading this blog, I am no where near where I thought I would be at the age of 28. It is no secret that I have made some decisions that took me off the path of "having it all by 25."  This particular conversation with Daniel came on the tail end of a very confusing time for me; family problems, not getting into nursing school, newly married, ect. "Do you think this Facebook depression could be you?" Daniel asked.

No, never...I mean, I'm just going through a rough time.  Anyone would be upset in these circumstances.  And besides, if I wanted to compare myself to anyone I could just go to the gym.  I didn't need Facebook for that. 

I was right to a certain degree, but so was he... and I knew it. 

A few weeks ago my darling sister-in-law posted this article.  It really spoke volumes to me and made me think twice about my social media life. 

So it is understandable that I snapped when I was tired after putting the girls to bed last week at work and found myself comparing my life to my Facebook friends.  I knew something had to be done.  

Don't get me wrong, it felt a little like social media suicide...jumping off a ledge even.  I knew if I was going to do it, I needed to do it quickly.  

Deactivate.
Delete apps.
Did I really just do that?

When Daniel called to tell me goodnight I reported the good news, knowing he'd be ecstatic. Instead my words were met with concern.  "Are you ok?  No really...are you like, going through something?" ...Just confirmation that I really needed to get off the grid a little. 

What I realized is that mostly I need a break.  I need to focus on the things that I'm doing RIGHT, and what my strengths are as I near the end of my goals. Above all of this, I need some time to learn how to focus on what God has blessed me with, instead of the things I'm waiting for Him to bless me with.  

It is currently Day 2 post Facebook cut.  I kind of miss it, but not really. Much like a smoker, I still haven't broken the chain of the manual feeling of picking up my phone every 10 minutes, but I can already see improvement.  Now I will be honest, I did not get rid of Instagram or Twitter because I am not as "addicted" to them.  When I'm done with school for the semester I will re-evaluate and decide if I want to reactivate my Facebook account. I do still feel like it is a good way to keep up with friends and family.  I just need to learn to use it correctly.  

Until then, I will try to post more on my blog.  This blog is such a great outlet and provokes so many interesting thoughts in me.  I really wanted to share my thoughts and this little story just in case anyone is going through something similar. Anyway, I will definitely be back with more ramblings soon!

Liv